Q&A

Thank you to The Guardian for the questions..

When were you happiest?
This is shite, but i can't think of a period. Obviously I have had (many) happy times in my life but not a chunk so i'll kinda bail out and say that....erm, i'm happiest when i am going to bed really early. (thinking about going to bed makes me happy too).

What is your greatest fear?
Feeling pinned. I know it's a weird way to put it, but that's literally how i see it. I don't want to be confined by space or by a person/people, or a situation. I get really scared thinking i can't do something, whether it be get and leave the room, or telling someone to "eff off".

Which living person do you most admire and why?
Well, i'll say my parents to be nice and respectful, and i do admire them for managing to bring me up without giving me away or drowning me in a sack.
Someone i really admire, who shall remain nameless (but we'll call her X), is someone i work with (actually i don't really work with X, but she works in the government too (that narrows it down! - not famous at all). Anyways! I admire her because generally speaking she has a disability, no discussion needed, and it is a serious one, but she goes on with life as though it wasn't there. and she doesnt do it like heather mills, where she talks about it all the time and pats herself on the back for being 'normal', more people make a fuss out of chipped nail polish then she does about her disability (is that the pc word - i can't remember, sorry). Recently X had a 'scare' and its the first time (in the 2 years i've known her) that i thought of her as someone with a disability. sorry its so rambly and generic, i dont want to go into someone elses details, but in my hearts of hearts i admire this person soooooooooooo much, and wish her well.

What is the trait you most deplore in youself?
The inability to just let go, "relax". New people i meet are always telling me to relax but people who know me know that i am simply a really highly strung human being. I am part Hitler and part George from Rainbow (the pink gay hippo). And i really wish i could just 'relax'. Cos it's bloody tiring worrying all the time.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
The inability to take control! It goes hand in hand with what i hate in myself. I hate people who can't make up their minds, who can't form a plan, who can't even follow a friggin plan. *deep breath* simply because, the more useless you are, the more worried i (feel i) need to be.

What was your most embarrassing moment?
Loads. But blsuh moment was when i was at school basically covertly stalking a sixth former and i fell into some bushes. the bad bit is that i got totally stuck (friggin thorns) and rather then just get up and 'act normal' i was just laying there in a bush. and yes he turned around and witnessed it.

Property aside, what's the most expensive thing you've bought?
I was going to say my TV but it was reasonable actually (god bless bank holiday deals!) - erm, my laptop was a bit of a rip off but my most expensive thing was my miu miu bag (this was pre-penny palace obviously!)

What is your most treasured possession?
my baby blankets. i can't sleep without my blankie. and after 25years they are literally ribbons now, and i still sleep with them.

Where would you like to live?
several answers - the uncool answer would be, at work, so that i wouldnt have to travel and stuff, cos i am that lazy! the still uncool answer, in london, cos london is home and it rocks. and then my coolish answer, assuming that i had a lot of money, new york.

What would your super power be?
invisability. that would give me control of my own space, and in turn my own power. you can't control me if you can't see me.

What makes you unhappy?
dead people. literally. when someone dies, i feel sorry for them. unless they killed themselves cos then they wanted to die.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
spots!!!! i was going to say flab but i've always been fat and its me now, but spots is just terrible. i never had spots til...mid-uni age, like 20. how shite is that!? maybe i'll go back to how i was by the time i'm 30, that would be good.

If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
it's not 'bring back to life' per se, but i'd like to bring back the art and joy of queuing. when i was young people would queue aka stand in a straight uniform line with respect for personal space and the person at the front would be first, the person behind them second, the person behind that person would be third etc and whatever they were waiting for, when the time came, the first person would go first, then the second person would be next etc etc. Nowadays, people just stand in a huddle, and it is survival of the fittest. doesn't matter if you are pregnant and you've been standing there for 3 hours, get out the frigging way., 'ive got bigger elbows then you, i'm getting on that bus before you.'

What is your most unappealing habit?
unappealing to others - my nose blowing/sniffing. i'm loud and constant.
to myself - hand washing. its not unappealing, good hygiene is good, but for me its annoying cos i have to be able to do it alllllll the time, anytime anyplace and if i cant i get major panicy. can't breathe gonna die type ARGH plus, it makes things so long. touch a pen gotta wash my hand. switch on a light gotta wash my hand. type this blog gotta wash my hand. wash my dishes gotta wash my hand. wash my hand gotta wash my hand. seriously.

What is the worst thing anyone's ever said to you?
too many things. and it's stuff that makes me feel embarrassed (cos its so mean) so i can't even say. but let me take this opportunity to say "HAH!!! you are a shitty scumbag, my life is better then yours. I AM BETTER THEN YOU so HAH again, and shame on your shitty self, may you rot in hell. MOFO". (I don't believe in 'forgive and forget').

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
i do everything with a lot of guilt. reading i guess, co si read when i should be doing so many other things.

What does love feel like?
loving someone who loves you feels nice, fulfilling warm.
loving someone who doesn't love you/doesn't know you exist feels like you are empty and like you are drowning in nothingness, which is bad, because if it was something you could take action, but because it is nothing, all you can do is hurt.

Which living person do you most despise, and why?
the man who lives in my building and who is a dickhead. its been nearly 8 months and he just won't smile back. we're neighbours for fucks sake, he better not ever run out of sugar!

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
'Like'
'Shite'
'laaamaaaaaazing'
'ARGH'

What has been your biggest disappointment?
Genesis Housing Group. Named and shamed. Your customer service is beyond shite. If i could return my house and get a refund i would, just to spite you. Reason for return? YOU ARE SHITE.

If you could go back in time where would you go?
1996. i dont want to say.

How do you relax?
sleeeeeeeep. feed my fish on my pennypod. play some bloons tower defense on easy mode.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
waking up tomorrow at least 5 stone lighter but with no excess skin. that would make my life better, healthier, hopefully longer.

What song would you like played at your funeral?
Tears in heaven by eric clapton, or one sweet day, boyz II men and mariah carey or its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday by boyz II men.

"And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday."

I want people in floods of tears.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Don't assume people are as nice as you/have the same moral compass. Some people are animals.

Where would you most like to be right now?
I'm happy where i am (sitting on the floor of my flat, using my pouffe as a table)

Tell us a joke.
I am a joke :(

Tell us a secret.
I'm really really good at climbing things.

The End!

If you read that, thanks :)


*Taken from a Q&A done with Perez Hilton in The Guardian.