like a tree

I am pining. Really really bad. I feel like I am 15. I wish I was 15 again but with my current brain. But then I'd always be living in regret and always trying to right myself which would be a waste of my life. ARGH So i'm stuck frigging pining.

*deep breath*

Tomorrow I am annual leave, my mum's birthday. I got her a card but no present....I'm planning to just get her whatever she wants tomorrow (thanks credit card/I hope she doesnt pick anything over £5!!!!!).

The money situation with the parents is hard. They know I'm poor but they don't realise how much of a pickle I am in, I don't want them to worry (even more then they do) and I don't want money from them (free groceries is a gift, that's fine!), i want to do it on my own. I don't see them much so they don't see how bare my fridge is. The other day I saw my dad for a bit and he said I was shrinking, and i wanted to say "DUH I'm starving!!!!!" but I just said that I must be missing his cooking. Isn't it weird how we treat our parents with kiddie gloves? And vice versa. Honesty and openess is overrated. Trumped by respect and a tiny bit of pride.

So....like a tree I am strong and I stand alone. But too much wind, rain and crap can break me down. So take it easy on me please!